How to Approach Your Partner About Starting Couples Therapy
Starting the conversation about couples therapy can feel intimidating, especially if you're unsure how your partner will react. Maybe you believe therapy could help, but you're worried they might not be on board. This is a common challenge—one person is often more eager to start therapy, while the other may feel hesitant or skeptical.
Understanding this dynamic is key. It’s normal for one partner to feel unsure about therapy, and it’s not necessarily a sign that the relationship is in crisis. However, the partner who’s reluctant might feel like they’re being “ganged up on” or misunderstood. They may worry that therapy will turn into a blame game. If that’s the case, it’s important to approach the conversation with care and empathy.
We sat down with Michelle Comery, LMSW to discuss her tips for approaching the topic of couples therapy with your partner for the first time. Michelle is an accomplished therapist here at the Keely Group who specializes in couples.
How to Approach the Topic of Couples Therapy with Your Partner
1. Consider Their Views on Couples Therapy
Before jumping into couples therapy, try to gauge how your partner feels about therapy in general. Have they ever mentioned their thoughts on it? How do they react when you talk about your own therapy experience, if you’ve been to individual sessions before? These are clues about their openness to the idea.
If you sense hesitation, it’s important not to force the issue but rather to have a thoughtful, open-ended conversation about it.
2. Choose the Right Moment
Timing is everything. Avoid bringing up the topic in the heat of an argument or when emotions are running high. These moments can lead to defensive reactions, especially if the suggestion comes off as accusatory.
Instead, wait for a time when you feel connected—when you’re both calm and enjoying each other’s company. This makes it easier to frame the conversation positively and avoid any feelings of blame.
3. Use “I” Statements
When you do bring up couples therapy, it’s important to avoid language that could make your partner feel like they’re at fault. Focus on your feelings and desires for the relationship.
For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me, and that’s why we need therapy,” try something like, “I’ve noticed we’ve been arguing more, and I’d love for us to understand each other better. I think therapy could help.”
This approach takes the pressure off your partner and creates a collaborative tone, focusing on what you want to improve together rather than pointing out their flaws.
4. Stay Curious and Open
Approach the conversation from a place of curiosity. Ask your partner how they feel about the state of the relationship and listen without judgment. This helps open a dialogue rather than making the suggestion of therapy feel like an ultimatum.
Ask questions like, “What do you think about couples therapy?” Keep in mind that their initial response may be “no.” If they’re resistant, ask why and listen to their concerns. Trying to push them too hard might make them retreat further. Instead, ask if there’s a way to meet in the middle, or find out what alternatives they might be more open to.
5. Be Prepared for Logistics and Next Steps
If your partner is open to the idea, the next steps involve practical discussions, such as finding the right therapist and working out scheduling. Couples often face challenges in finding a time that works for both of them, but virtual therapy can help make things easier. Here at the Keely Group, we offer a comprehensive online experience that can allow you and your partner to coordinate from the comfort of your own home while still having that close relationship with your couples therapist.
Talk about the financial aspect as well, and be open about any concerns either of you may have regarding costs. If money is an issue in your relationship,
6. Don’t Force It
It’s important to remember that if your partner ultimately decides they aren’t ready for therapy, you can’t force them to go. Respect their decision, even if it’s frustrating or disappointing. Pushing too hard might damage the relationship more than helping it. Instead, keep the lines of communication open and continue to listen.
7. Finding the Right Couples Therapist
If you both decide to go ahead with couples therapy, finding the right therapist is crucial. Just like with individual therapy, the right fit makes all the difference. If you’re dealing with specific issues like intimacy concerns or infidelity, look for a therapist who specializes in those areas.
In the process of finding a couples therapist, don’t settle on the first one you consult. Have a debrief together after each consultation to discuss how you felt about the session and whether the therapist seems like the right fit for both of you.
Final Thoughts on Couples Therapy in New York City
Couples therapy is a commitment that can feel tough at times, but the goal is to strengthen your relationship and improve how you relate to each other. Therapy isn’t about assigning blame or determining who’s “right” or “wrong.” A therapist’s role is to understand both partners’ perspectives, validate their feelings, and help them build a stronger connection. If both partners are willing to put in the work, therapy at The Keely Group can be a powerful tool for growth and understanding.
Remember, the conversation about therapy doesn’t have to happen overnight. Give yourself and your partner time to consider the idea, and approach it with patience and an open heart.
Interested in starting couples therapy today? Schedule a consultation with Michelle to begin your journey!
Feel Connected With Your Partner With The Help of Couples Therapy in New York City, NY
Ready to take the next step in strengthening your relationship? At the Keely Group, our expert couples therapists, like Michelle Comery, LMSW, are here to guide you both through the journey of couples therapy with care and understanding. Start building a deeper connection with your partner by following these three simple steps:
Read through our FAQ page to answer any lingering questions you may have.
Fill out our convenient online contact form to get in touch with a couples therapist.
Begin creating a deeper connection with your partner.
Additional Online Mental Health Services Offered at The Keely Group in New York City and Throughout New York
In addition to helping you and your partner connect on a deeper level with Couples Therapy in NYC, NY, The Keely Group provides a range of online services tailored to meet the needs of busy professionals. We recognize that you may encounter various challenges in your daily life that can impact you and your relationships, which is why we offer online therapy services to assist you in managing these issues. Our main goal is to help you simplify your life, which is why we offer a variety of services, including: