Mindfulness and Limerence: How to Stay Grounded in Reality
Limerence is a psychological state of intense emotional infatuation or obsession with another person. It often involves persistent, intrusive thoughts and a strong desire for reciprocation of feelings. Feelings of limerence can often leave you feeling disconnected from reality. When consumed by limerent thoughts, it’s easy to spiral into fantasies and emotional distress. One way to manage the intensity of limerent feelings is through mindfulness, a powerful tool that helps ground you in the present moment and offers relief from the cycle of obsession. If you find yourself struggling with limerence, seeking support through couples therapy can provide valuable guidance and coping strategies to navigate these overwhelming emotions.
What Does Limerence Feel Like?
We’ve all had intense romantic feelings that lead us to act in ways we normally wouldn’t–daydreaming about them, scrolling deep into their social media, listening to songs that remind us of them, etc. But limerence goes beyond a simple crush. People experiencing limerence may fantasize about forming a romantic relationship with the object of their affection and often misinterpret or focus on small gestures, believing they indicate mutual interest.
Unlike simple romantic attraction or love, limerence is characterized by its intensity and obsessive nature. It can include physical symptoms like a racing heart, anxiety, and euphoria when thinking about or being around the person. Limerence can be consuming and may last for weeks, months, or even years, though it can fade over time, especially if the feelings are unreciprocated.
The person you are experiencing limerence about–also known as the limerent object–-could be someone from your past, a coworker, a friend, or a roommate. Anyone can experience limerence, especially if they are dealing with attachment issues. Limerence differs from healthy love, which is built on mutual care, understanding, and emotional intimacy, as limerence is often one-sided and more focused on fantasy.
What is Mindfulness?
At its core, mindfulness is the practice of observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Rather than reacting to them or trying to push them away, you simply acknowledge their presence and let them pass. In the context of limerence, mindfulness allows you to observe your obsessive feelings without being consumed by them. This practice helps you accept that limerence is a common experience—something many people go through—while undoing the negative self-talk and shame that often accompany it.
Acknowledging Limerent Feelings with Compassion
Mindfulness helps you stay grounded by teaching you to acknowledge your emotions without judgment. Instead of criticizing yourself for obsessing over someone, you can gently recognize what you’re going through. Limerence often brings up feelings of shame and self-blame, but mindfulness work gives you the space to unpack those emotions and view them with compassion. It’s okay to feel this way, and it’s okay to want to get better.
Through mindfulness, you can accept the ebb and flow of your limerent feelings without trying to force them away or letting them dominate your thoughts. This awareness can be incredibly freeing, as it reduces the intensity of your emotional response and helps you break the cycle of obsession.
Grounding Techniques for Limerence
When obsessive thoughts about the limerent object take over, it’s easy to get stuck in your head. That’s when grounding techniques come in handy. One of the simplest ways to ground yourself is through breathing exercises. Conscious breathing stimulates the vagus nerve, calming your nervous system and helping you refocus on the present moment. The next time you feel your thoughts spiraling, try taking slow, deep breaths to bring yourself back to your body.
Going on a mindfulness walk is another effective way to stay grounded. As you walk, focus on your physical surroundings—what do you see, hear, smell, and feel? Engaging your senses in this way pulls you out of the fantasy in your mind and brings you into the present. By being fully aware of your environment, you create a buffer between your obsessive thoughts and your reality.
The Body Scan Technique
A particularly helpful mindfulness practice for those dealing with limerence is the body scan. This exercise involves mentally scanning your body from head to toe, paying close attention to any sensations or areas of tension. When you’re obsessing about someone, you often hold that stress in your body—your stomach may churn, or your chest may feel tight. By checking in with your body, you can identify where you’re carrying that tension and work to release it.
Although the body scan won’t eliminate limerence, it helps you ride the emotional waves. You may still experience obsessive feelings, but mindfulness teaches you how to manage them and reduce their impact on your overall well-being.
Taking Care of Your Body to Calm Your Mind
Your physical and mental health are deeply connected. When you’re caught up in limerence, it’s easy to neglect your physical body, which only makes your mind more restless. Taking care of your body—through regular exercise, healthy eating, and proper rest—creates a foundation for mental calmness. When your body feels cared for, it’s easier to manage the emotional intensity of limerence. The next time you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself where you feel the tension in your body. Is your stomach in knots? Are your shoulders tense? What can you do to relieve that physical discomfort?
How Couples Therapy Can Help You Practice Mindfulness
For those new to mindfulness, therapy can provide valuable guidance and support. A skilled couples therapist can help you practice mindfulness techniques in a safe, non-judgmental space. Early in your mindfulness journey, having a therapist guide you through breathing exercises, body scans, and emotional check-ins can be incredibly beneficial. Together, you can identify the root of your feelings and work toward understanding them without being overwhelmed.
In addition to teaching mindfulness, a therapist can help you process the deeper attachment issues that often fuel limerence. They can help you explore why you're fixated on the limerent object and support you as you work toward letting go. Severing ties with a limerent object is hard, especially when your feelings are so intense. Therapy offers a space for exploration and healing, allowing you to gain perspective and break free from the obsessive cycle.
Gaining Perspective Through Mindfulness
When you’re in the midst of limerence, it’s hard to have any perspective. You feel consumed by thoughts of the limerent object, and it’s difficult to imagine life beyond those feelings. Mindfulness, practiced regularly, helps you create distance between yourself and the obsession. It doesn’t mean that the limerent feelings will vanish overnight, but with time and practice, you can regain control over your thoughts and emotions.
The key is not to rush the process. Limerence isn’t something you get over quickly, and trying to force yourself to “move on” without support will only make it harder. Practicing mindfulness, both on your own and with the help of a therapist, allows you to navigate limerence with patience and self-compassion.
Final Thoughts
Mindfulness is a powerful tool for managing the emotional intensity of limerence. By learning to observe your thoughts without judgment, practicing grounding techniques, and taking care of your body, you can create a sense of calm and control in the midst of obsession. Although limerence can feel all-consuming, you have the tools to stay grounded in reality and slowly work through your feelings. With practice, mindfulness can help you navigate the emotional highs and lows, and therapy at The Keely Group can offer you the support and guidance you need to heal.
Find Support With Therapy For Limerence in New York City, NY
If you find yourself overwhelmed by obsessive thoughts or struggling to maintain balance in your relationship, couples therapy in NYC can help. At The Keely Group, we offer guidance on practicing mindfulness and working through the deeper attachment issues often tied to limerence. Let us support you in navigating these emotions and building a healthier, more connected partnership. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Read through our FAQ page to answer any lingering questions you may have.
Fill out our convenient online contact form to get in touch with a couples therapist.
Begin navigating the emotions that come with Limerence.
Other Online Mental Health Services Offered at The Keely Group in New York City and Throughout New York
In addition to helping you find calmness in the midst of obsession with limerence with Couples Therapy in NYC, NY, The Keely Group provides a range of online services tailored to meet the needs of busy professionals. We recognize that you may encounter various challenges in your daily life that can impact you and your relationships, which is why we offer online therapy services to assist you in managing these issues. Our main goal is to help you simplify your life, which is why we offer a variety of services, including: