How Does Couples Therapy Work?: What to Expect in Your First Session
Entering couples therapy can be both exciting and nerve-wracking, especially when you're a busy, working professional who is experiencing disconnection in your relationship. You’ve already had that tough conversation with your partner, and perhaps you’ve even done a phone consultation with the therapist. Now, you're ready for the first session. So, what should you expect?
For this blog post, we sat down with Michelle Comery, LCSW, a couples therapist here at the Keely Group, for a breakdown of what happened during that initial meeting.
The Intake Process: Getting to Know You
Michelle typically begins her first session with an intake. The goal here is to understand the core of your relationship—who you are as individuals and as a couple. This involves asking about family history, work and school backgrounds, any history of mental health concerns, substance use, and how you both feel about being in therapy.
Most importantly, Michelle says, she will pay close attention to how you’re feeling in the room. It's common for one partner to be more enthusiastic while the other is reluctant, and both may be anxious. This tension is normal and often stems from the fact that many couples enter therapy during a crisis—when it feels like their relationship might be at a breaking point.
Validating Emotions, Not Assigning Blame
One of Michelle’s primary goals in this first session is to validate the emotions that both partners are experiencing. Frustrations are acknowledged, but the focus isn’t on assigning blame. Instead, she is more interested in understanding what brought you together in the first place. Why are you still together? What do you enjoy doing as a couple? What are your strengths? These questions help shift the focus away from problems and toward the connection you share.
Key Questions & Goals For Couples Therapy
During the intake, the therapist will ask practical questions like how long you’ve been together, whether you have children, and what major milestones you’ve experienced. Michelle says she also asks about each partner’s goals for therapy. For example, are you here to salvage the relationship, or are you unsure of where things stand? Understanding your motivations is key to setting a path forward.
Setting Ground Rules: No Secrets, Just Communication
In couples therapy, one of the most critical ground rules is that the therapist is not there to take sides or assign blame. Instead, their role is to facilitate communication between you and your partner. In the beginning, Michelle says she often plays a more active role, guiding the conversation. As the therapy progresses, she will step back, allowing direct communication between the two partners.
One essential point to clarify during this first session is the difference between privacy and secrecy. For example, if infidelity or other sensitive topics come up, it’s important to know that while individual therapy sessions are confidential, keeping secrets from your partner during couples therapy isn’t helpful. Openness is key to building trust and healing.
Navigating Taboo Topics: It’s Okay to Talk About It
It’s also normal for issues like sex, finances, or other subjects that might be taboo or “sticky” to come up in therapy. The therapist will help normalize these conversations, emphasizing that discussing such topics is healthy and often necessary. Michelle stresses that these topics are often at the heart of conflicts between couples. In your first session, you won’t have to give every detail. The therapist’s job is to help you begin to feel comfortable in a safe space. Even if it feels awkward at first, these conversations can be critical to understanding each other more deeply.
The Impact of Background & Identity on Therapy
Your family history plays a significant role in how you approach relationships, and this is something the therapist will explore. Attachment styles, for instance, are often shaped by early family experiences, and the therapist will be curious about who is more anxious, avoidant, or perhaps a combination of both.
For multiracial or multicultural couples, cultural identity can be a significant factor in your relationship dynamics. Religious backgrounds, financial concerns, and cultural differences can all influence how you relate to one another. The therapist will take these into account, helping to uncover any ways these factors may be contributing to your challenges.
No Need to Feel Intimidated
It’s important to remember that you don’t need to reveal everything about yourself or your relationship in this first session. The goal isn’t to provide a right or wrong answer, but rather to begin exploring how you and your partner relate to each other and what might be impacting those interactions. The therapist is simply trying to get a sense of who you are and why you’re here.
When working with couples, Michelle also makes it clear that her job isn’t to get them to break up or stay together. As she puts it: “My hope is that they'll experience improvement. But if they experience improvement and decide they still don't want to stay together, our work can be about an amicable separation.” Going into your first couples therapy appointment will not answer these big and complicated questions. Know that your new therapist isn’t trying to make that decision for you. They are trying to help you be better communicators with each other so you can decide as a couple.
Committing to the Process of Couples Therapy
At The Keely Group, Michelle and the team understand that committing to therapy can feel daunting, especially for professionals who may already feel overwhelmed by their work and personal lives. However, she emphasizes the importance of showing up and staying engaged. Therapy isn’t a quick fix. It’s about doing the work together with the therapist as your guide.
For Michelle, the first session is all about laying the groundwork. By helping couples feel comfortable, heard, and understood, she sets the stage for deeper healing and growth in future sessions. Couples therapy is a journey, but for professionals feeling unfulfilled in their relationships, it can be a transformative one.
Transform Your Relationship With Couples Therapy in New York City, NY
If you and your partner are ready to reconnect and feel truly heard, couples therapy in NYC can offer a safe, supportive space to work through your challenges together. Whether you're navigating communication issues, trust concerns, or emotional disconnection, therapy at The Keely Group can help strengthen your bond. Reach out to begin your journey toward healing and deeper understanding in your relationship. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Read through our FAQ page to answer any lingering questions you may have.
Fill out our convenient online contact form to get in touch with a skilled couples therapist.
Begin reconnecting with your partner in positive ways!
Other Online Mental Health Services Offered at The Keely Group in New York City and Throughout New York
In addition to helping you and your partner reconnect on a deeper level with Couples Therapy in NYC, NY, The Keely Group provides a range of online services tailored to meet the needs of busy professionals. We recognize that you may encounter various challenges in your daily life that can impact you and your relationships, which is why we offer online therapy services to assist you in managing these issues. Our main goal is to help you simplify your life, which is why we offer a variety of services, including: