The United States is incredibly divided politically with no sign of improving anytime soon. Since moral differences underpin most hot-button issues, the political division in this country is affecting the dating landscape. As relationship therapists, we’ve seen patients struggle to navigate the places where dating and politics intersect.

The idea of dating someone with different political views is often unthinkable for people with strongly held opinions. People in New York generally have some pretty powerful opinions, so this issue sometimes comes up in our work with patients. Here’s our advice for navigating the divisive world of dating and politics:

Determine which political values are non-negotiable for you

Many general differences can be safely overlooked in the early stages of a relationship. For example, it’s probably possible to have a satisfying relationship with someone who loves golf, even if you hate it. But there are some differences—often political—which can create serious problems.

Consider which political issues might be dealbreakers for you (hint: they likely reflect your moral values). Which views do you strongly identify with? Which would be really distressing to discover in a partner? Similarly, how important is it that your partner care as much about politics as you do? The answers to questions like these are highly individual.

Don’t forget to consider what-if scenarios as you ponder your position. For example, maybe you generally consider yourself to be pro-choice, but you have so far managed to avoid unplanned pregnancies, so reproductive healthcare access hasn’t directly impacted you. As you peruse the narrow dating field, you might wonder if you should consider dating someone who is pro-life. (Spoiler alert: the answer is NO!) What if you do find yourself dealing with an unplanned pregnancy? Or your future child is someday faced with this choice?

A political disagreement of this magnitude could be life-changing for you/your loved ones, and not in a good way. That’s why it’s so important to think about these things before dating someone with wildly different political views.

Communicate any deal-breaker values early on

There’s no reason to waste your time or your date’s when it comes to relationship dealbreakers. Communicate any make-or-break values as soon as you can. Don’t be shy—put it right on your Tinder profile. As a New Yorker, you have millions of potential partners to choose from, so you don’t need to compromise your moral values to find a partner. At the same time, you probably don’t want to list political views that are relatively unimportant to you or that you’re ambiguous on.

But what about the people you don’t meet online, like your mom’s church friend’s daughter or the guy you met at your office building? How soon should you talk about big political issues then?

Consider the context of your acquaintance. For example, if the congregation at your mom’s church tends to have opposing political views to yours, you might want to mention your opinions to your prospect before even agreeing to a first date. Otherwise, it’s probably okay to let your date reveal their views organically during your first few conversations.

Choose your battles

While it’s essential to agree on core values, it’s unlikely you’ll find a partner who agrees with you on everything political. Unless you explore every possible political topic early on, some small (or even large) differences will inevitably be revealed.

Suppose neither of you is open to changing their view on a political topic that unexpectedly comes up. In that case, you’ll have to ask yourself some hard questions: Is dating someone with different political views possible for me? If so, under what circumstances? Is this particular issue likely to create real problems in the relationship, now or in the future? Or can our relationship still be healthy despite this difference of opinion?

Strengthen your relationship skills

Differing opinions are easier to tolerate in a healthy relationship. By cultivating reciprocity, trust, and healthy communication, you can survive all kinds of disagreements, including some political ones.

Our team can help you cultivate these skills, whether you’re just dating someone or in a long-term partnership. Our relationship therapists offer online couples therapy and therapy for dating for patients in NYC and throughout New York State. If you’re struggling to navigate the intersection of dating and politics, we can help. Explore our website or contact us for a free consult to learn more about our virtual therapy services.