Thanksgiving Anxiety: Handling Family Conflict and Relationship Stress with Couples Therapy
Thanksgiving can be a season of warmth, tradition, and togetherness—but it can also bring anxiety, family conflict, and relationship stress to the surface. Michelle Comery, LCSW, has helped countless couples navigate these challenges in her work as a couples therapist in NYC, where she sees firsthand how the holiday’s demands and expectations can strain even the strongest relationships. From managing whose family to spend the holiday with, to navigating family dynamics and setting boundaries, Michelle believes that with intention and communication, couples can turn Thanksgiving anxiety into a growth experience. For couples seeking extra support, couples therapy in NYC can offer the tools needed to handle these stressors, strengthen their connection, and make this holiday a time of unity rather than strain.
The “Whose Family?” Question
A common stressor around Thanksgiving is deciding which family to spend the holiday with. For some couples, this means figuring out how to alternate between families each year, while for others, it may mean attending separate family gatherings. Michelle encourages couples to check in with each other well in advance and to consider how their holiday decisions affect their sense of partnership.
“Are you in agreement on the plan?” Michelle often asks couples. If not, she explores what underlying feelings are driving the disagreement. Does one partner feel obligated to attend more gatherings due to family guilt? Is the other experiencing resentment about missing out on their own traditions? In these conversations, Michelle helps couples unpack the emotions beneath the logistics, giving them a path toward compromise and understanding on managing stress.
Gendered Roles and Mental Load During the Holidays
In many relationships, gendered expectations around cooking, planning, and hosting can add another layer of tension to Thanksgiving. Michelle notes that one partner may feel the weight of the “mental load,” managing the preparations, the menu, and the delicate balance of family dynamics. This can be especially stressful for those who feel responsible for “keeping the peace” or dealing with family members who don’t get along.
In therapy, Michelle encourages couples to discuss these expectations openly. “Do you feel pressure to take on certain roles?” she asks. By identifying and acknowledging these roles, partners can share the responsibilities more equitably, ensuring that neither feels overwhelmed or undervalued.
Alcohol and Family Dynamics: A Recipe for Conflict
Thanksgiving gatherings often come with an extra layer of complexity when family members consume alcohol. For some, drinking can lead to heightened emotions, unfiltered comments, or even conflict. Michelle advises couples to discuss in advance how they plan to handle potentially difficult situations, particularly if one partner has family members who tend to overindulge.
By setting boundaries and creating a plan to handle any potential escalation, couples can enter the holiday prepared. “It’s important to have each other’s backs in these situations,” Michelle says, reminding couples that they can act as a support system for one another, helping each other navigate the challenges of inebriated family members.
The First Thanksgiving vs. Long-Term Dynamics
New couples and long-term partners often approach Thanksgiving with different sets of challenges. For those sharing their first Thanksgiving together, the pressure can feel intense. New couples may face high expectations to make a good impression or to fit into each other’s family traditions seamlessly. Michelle encourages new couples to discuss what Thanksgiving means to each of them and to communicate openly about any anxieties.
For couples who have been together for years, the holiday can mean revisiting old family dynamics together. Long-term couples may already know where tensions are likely to arise but still face the challenge of managing them effectively. In both cases, Michelle encourages couples to communicate their expectations, discuss their anxieties, and recognize how stress may show up—whether that’s snapping at each other, withdrawing, or becoming more reactive. “Recognize these signs in yourself,” Michelle says, “and help your partner understand them too.”
Guilt, Insecurities, and Family Gatherings
Thanksgiving can stir up complex emotions, including guilt about missing family gatherings or insecurity about one’s role in the family. Michelle finds that exploring the origins of these feelings in therapy can help couples understand why certain holiday scenarios feel so intense. She emphasizes that these emotions are often rooted in past family dynamics, societal expectations, or personal values.
“Give yourself space to feel these emotions,” she advises her clients, “but remember that there’s no one right way to celebrate.” She encourages couples to acknowledge that each person’s relationship with family may look different and that they don’t have to conform to any specific model.
Navigating Conflict Around Thanksgiving Plans
For some couples, Thanksgiving plans raise deeper questions about fairness and compromise. If one partner feels strongly about attending their own family gathering, while the other feels equally committed to theirs, Michelle suggests an open discussion about what these plans mean to each person. Are there resentments or frustrations simmering beneath the surface? Do these feelings bring up larger issues around the relationship’s dynamics?
Michelle’s approach is to help couples see these disagreements as opportunities for mutual growth. By listening to each other’s perspectives and striving to meet in the middle, partners can use Thanksgiving as a time to strengthen their bond rather than allowing stress to create distance.
Communicating Expectations and Boundaries
Throughout all these holiday challenges, Michelle’s primary focus is helping couples communicate their expectations and set boundaries together. She emphasizes that each partner has a responsibility to share how they’re feeling and to articulate what they need. By acknowledging their own stress, checking in with each other, and offering clear support, couples can face the holiday as a team.
When couples establish healthy boundaries around Thanksgiving, they’re better able to create a meaningful, joyful experience. Whether this means agreeing on whose family to visit, deciding who will handle the cooking, or setting limits on family discussions, Michelle believes that clear communication and empathy are the keys to navigating Thanksgiving successfully.
Ultimately, Michelle Comery at The Keely Group encourages her clients to embrace the opportunity Thanksgiving offers: a time for connection, understanding, and growth. While the holiday may bring challenges, it also offers couples a chance to build trust, respect, and resilience as they support each other through both the warmth and the complexities of family gatherings.
Overcome Your Relationship Anxiety With Couples Therapy in New York City, NY
If Thanksgiving stress is impacting your relationship, couples therapy in NYC can help you navigate the holiday season with more ease and connection. Don’t let anxiety take away from the time you share together—learn how to communicate, support each other, and strengthen your bond. Reach out to a skilled couples therapist at The Keely Group to make this Thanksgiving a time of unity, not stress. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Read through our FAQ page to answer any lingering questions you may have about couples therapy.
Fill out our convenient online contact form to get in touch with a skilled couples therapist.
Start overcoming the stress on your relationship with the holidays!
Other Online Mental Health Services Offered at The Keely Group in NYC
In addition to helping you and your partner work on conflict during the holidays with Couples Therapy in NYC, The Keely Group provides a range of online services tailored to meet the needs of busy professionals. We recognize that you may encounter various challenges in your daily life that can impact you and your relationships, which is why we offer online therapy services to assist you in managing these issues. Our main goal is to help you simplify your life, which is why we offer a variety of services, including: